Frequently Asked Questions
question to see the answer.
If you operate from integrity then you can tell something is wrong,
something is in the space. They may be lying to you, or they may have just
lied to another (perhaps their mother), you'll experience it, it's in their aura.
Either way, you'll get a sense that the person is either telling the truth or they are not,
rather than blindly believe their words. Quite often, they will not look you
in the eyes, that, or they have mastered looking you in the eyes as part of
their truth-telling con. If on the hand, you are lying to others it's most
likely that you will not be clear if someone is lying to you.
to "operate from integrity" means that you communicate openly, and
honestly, and spontaneously, with your family, immediate friends, and loved
one—zero thoughts withheld, all
withholds, perpetrations, and acknowledgments communicated verbally.
Yes. However, you must be willing to lose your job.
You'd be smart to first find out why you would bring
such a person, such an employer, into your life. In some way he is mirroring
You must be willing to tell the truth, to communicate
from your experience. For example:
"I uh, I um, I'm uncomfortable. I'm afraid you'll think I' m a jerk for
bringing up this subject, but...."
to "communicate from your experience" is scary because you have to
choose to not be cool. You must be willing to come across as a dork. What
happens when you do tell the truth is you will disappear the fear—for life. To try and talk above the
fear, to pretend that you aren't uncomfortable, will cause the fear to
persist in all such similar situations—for life. Most adults are
intimidated in front of teachers, bosses, and managers, because they were afraid to tell the truth
to their parents.
Nope. There's nothing you can do or say. You just don't have permission
to handle her case, and, she has not asked you to support her in telling the
truth. Her lies have not cost her enough yet for her to want to stop.
It doesn't work to try and change someone without their permission.
Most important, you don't have the skills to teach another how to
communicate. What you learn here you can't teach another in a way that will
change their behaviors. This stuff only works if you want to change your
Your mom is addicted to lying. She would have to engage the services of
a communicologist who would support her in creating a context for her to
begin telling the truth. And that's just the beginning. She would then have
to join a support group and give all members permission to support
her in keeping her agreements, in telling the truth. Lying is as difficult
an addiction to complete as alcohol. Lying is abusive.
Your big problem is that you also are addicted to abuse and to lying.
"Always?" I think not. You might be keeping
agreements now, to be better than, but it's only a self-righteous act. The
behavior will eventually reveal itself. Most likely you will magnetically
attract an abusive partner who will break agreements with you, such is your addiction
to being right and making another wrong.
And, here's the kicker. It's not her. You just haven't learned how to
make agreements. You only create the