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Frequently
Asked Questions (FAQ's)
Your
FAQ question not here? Write and submit a one-liner
(15 words or less).
How long does it take to do the tutorial?
The
tutorial has seven
Recommended
Readings. It takes between 5 & 10 minutes to
read each one. Allow about an hour to read the whole
tutorial.
At the end of
each Recommended Reading you are given the opportunity to send
the tutorial coach feedback or to ask questions.
To expand upon
the value of the tutorial it's recommended that you share your
thoughts about what you read and post questions/comments to
the tutorial coach. Coaching conversations can
stretch out over a period of days.
There is also a list of a wide variety of relationship related
topics for your perusal (see
Sample Questions/Topics ).
Once you have
completed the
Registration process
and paid your $50 fee via
PayPal we will email you the
passwords and instructions. Then you have the
option of reading the Recommended Readings or
starting the tutorial by asking a specific personal/relationship/communication
problem on the Relationship Tutorial Message Board
(RTMB). You will receive the RTMB
password by email.
If you post a
question or comment please wait 8 - 12 hours (rarely longer than 72 hours) for a reply from the
coach. Please wait for a reply to your post before
posting a second time.
The
tutorial
coach will personally reply to your posts for the first six
months. Other participants may join in on a
conversation.
Take up to six
months to complete the tutorial. During this time
you will have free consulting from
the coach. You will have unlimited use of the RTMB thereafter.
What's
the philosophy?
The communication model is based upon
communicating from personal responsibility. It supports communicating openly, honestly and
spontaneously, no withholds, through to mutual
satisfaction.
It is
nonsectarian and nonpolitical.
What's
the education principle?
The educational
principle is "experiential discovery-learning."
The
tutorial is a
synthesis of what works. The material comes from academic, business, and military leadership models, as
well as from what's current in the field of human
potential and personal growth.
It supports
transformation of self as self, self as
relationship, self as organization, self as community, and
self as society.
In other words, the process takes you out into the
world, it empowers you in making a positive
difference.
The
tutorial is
not therapy or about changing yourself, or making
decisions to do things differently. It's not about doing things a
"right" way.
How
does the tutorial work?
The tutorial presumes that we all
were supposed to have had certain conversations at
certain times in our life. If we didn't have each
of these conversations, especially about
such things as manipulation, control, surrender, sex, domination,
responsibility, abuse, etc., then we are incomplete. If we were
submitted to lots of topics but they were
delivered by a
hypocritical, do-as-I-say, lecturing parent, then the
content, though gotten, might be layered under
many unconsciously learned undesirable
behaviors. An example might be: Pigging out on
sugar when you've been told it's bad for you. You
have no choice due to the thousands of incomplete
communications between you and your parents. It's
an, "In one ear and out the other, resistance,
even to truths, kind of thing." Yet when
communicated clearly, without the charge, the mind
says, "Oh, I get it," and then its acts from the
truth automatically.
The tutorial presumes that each childhood
upset was supposed to have ended with hugs
and an experience of validation and love.
Conversations that ended with a lie, or blaming,
or, going to
bed upset, or with an experience of invalidation,
are called incompletes.
Yesterday's incompletes generate today's
conversations which determine the kinds of
problems we have. A person who is whole and
complete generates different problems than, say,
someone who has many childhood incompletes.
The
way to complete incompletes is through
communication. Talking about them doesn't do it.
As you read the
Recommended Readings, or the coach's
replies to your questions, your mind reacts,
sometimes triggering incompletes.
If after reading a topic you share*
your thoughts and experiences with the
tutorial
coach you will accelerate the communication
mastery process.
Later, during
communications with others, you will notice yourself
observing**
yourself.
At first you may find yourself doing exactly
what you know doesn't work, however, the tutorial eventually kicks in
and you'll begin to have a choice, right in the
middle of a conversation.
Most participants report that the process
transforms their experience of communication.
*Throughout
the tutorial you will be prompted to stop reading
and post some feedback to the coach on the Relationship
Tutorial Message Board.
**In
the enlightenment game, "observation" is the first
level when awakening from
unconsciousness.
What happens
if I start and quit?
You are advised to complete the
tutorial within six
months. If you do not complete the
tutorial within six months you may register
again.
You may pause as much as
you wish during the six months***.
The main thing that might happen,
if you start and quit, is an
apparent postponing of your
communication skills mastery process. However, in the mastery
curriculum, postponing, even taking a break, is an essential component.
Sometimes we need to spend time with people that
don't add to our aliveness just to learn
something.
Unlike our other extremely
challenging
tutorials,
the Relationship Communication-Skills Tutorial does
not require that you make an agreement to complete
the tutorial.
***
If for any reason you need longer than 72 hours to
reply to the coach's/someone's reply, post a message
saying when we can expect a reply. To not do so keeps
others incomplete, wondering.
What
happens if I fail?
The
tutorial is not a pass/fail
process.
It's not about memorizing or using
certain sentences that have worked for others.
It's not about reading manipulation tricks or techniques and trying them
out on a friend.
There is no outside reading nor are there any homework assignments.
What happens is:
-
read a Recommended Reading
-
send us your thoughts or ask
questions if you wish
-
optionally you may engage in
conversations with the tutorial coach
-
continue reading the next
Recommended Reading until you have read them
all.
-
notice what happens in your
relationship with others
Put another way, you will find
yourself communicating from a different ground of
being, automatically handling situations
differently, without trying.
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What kind
of follow-up is required?
No follow-up is required.
None is offered. During the first
six months, tutorial
participants may post specific questions to the
coach on the Relationship Tutorial Message Board
(RTMB). You may ask questions and respond to other
participants indefinitely.
Consulting
is
also available
upon request thereafter.
How about
privacy?
Privacy
Policy:
We will not
sell or give any of your data to anyone, ever. We do
not contact you by email except:
1) To acknowledge
receipt of your registration (includes some
instructions tips).
2) To email you your Message Board password.
3) To acknowledge receipt of a report you might send to our webmaster
about a link or site problem.
4) To reply to a
question you may ask about using the tutorial or the
Message Board.
This also
means we do not contact you to ask you what's
happening or to inform you about new tutorials or
services. We do not prompt you with reminder emails
to finish the tutorial once you have started it.
Any tutorial-content related
emails are posted to the Relationship Tutorial
Message Board for all to share.
Back
to Registration Form
Who is the
tutorial for?
The
tutorial is for—
| singles
|
divorcees
|
| teens
|
relationship couples |
| married persons
|
separated persons
|
| relationship
seekers |
parents |
It
address the following kinds of problems:
How
do I get my wife to...?
How do I get my husband to ...?
My son won't ....
My mother-in-law keeps....
How....?
My child won't....
My ex won't ....
His ex keeps....
How do I break the news that....?
My mother still ....
Regarding sex, what ...?
Please
let us know if you have participated with us before.
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Is there an
Eligibility Policy?
The
tutorial will not work for the following
individuals:
1) If you are currently in therapy
or attend counseling or support group sessions please do not do the tutorial until you have
completed your sessions and you have not seen a
therapist/counselor for a period of three months.
2) If you are an alcoholic, or
someone else considers you to be an alcoholic,
even if you are attending AA meetings, please do
not do the tutorial, except that you have not
had a drink in five years.
3) If you are
relating with an alcoholic (to include your
parents) even if they are attending regular AA
meetings, except that they have not had a drink
in five years.
"Relating" here
means interacting verbally or in
writing, to include gifts/reading letters they may
send you. The exception being, if you have
disciplined yourself to handle only logistics,
such as with children or finances. Absolutely
no casual, "How are you doing?" conversations.
4) If
American English is not your
mother tongue.
5) If you have been
ineligible or declined from one of our tutorials
or have been recessed pending completion of an
assignment.
Please do not ask why about the
above. It's just the way it is.
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How long and often can I post questions
to the Relationship Tutorial Message Board (RTMB)?
During
your first six months you may post questions to the
coach on the Relationship Tutorial Message Board (RTMB) as often as you wish. Thereafter, you may
browse and post to fellow participants for as long as there are
tutorial participants. We have long range plans and
funds up through 2007.
[ top ]
How can I
get my partner to do the tutorial?
If
you are seriously asking this question it's almost
certain that
no advice will work for you. If you
have fear in your relationship (fear that they might
resist or not do the tutorial eagerly) then your relationship
is already too damaged. You, not your spouse, need
therapy/counseling.
No matter what you believe, or who told you, or who
agrees with you, you need equally as much therapy as
does your partner. And, they will not be able to
begin healing until you commit to healing yourself,
which includes stopping trying to heal/change them.
If, due to dissatisfactions with
their behaviors, you invite your partner to do the tutorial, they might take it to mean that
you think that they are the one who needs help, no
matter what words of assurance you use. You might honestly believe that they need more help than you,
that things would be OK, if only they.... Your partner
will have no choice but to resist
(survival) because they know, from their
perspective, it's true. They are afraid of the
awesome transformation they will have to undergo, to
include surrendering control to you. In truth they sense
that even you asking them to do the tutorial means it's the beginning
of the end. They are afraid. They are afraid that if you get
enlightened you'll see who they are afraid they
are, and that you'll no longer put up with the way in which they
have been relating with you, which is also true.
Bottom
line:
Unless you are totally willing to not have the
relationship do not invite someone to do the
tutorial, someone you already suspect/know will not.
Do the tutorial to
improve your own communication skills, not to save
an already failing relationship. Just as the tutorial
improves the communications in a relationship that's
working so too does it accelerate the completion of
a relationship that's not working.
Why do the tutorial if the
relationship isn't working? Because the tutorial will support you in
completing the relationship from love and support as opposed to going the
costly adversarial (attorney) route. It also supports a participant in
recreating a relationship so that it works.
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Can
I get mentally damaged doing the tutorial?
If you are concerned about this
please do not do the tutorial.
Please do not ask why about the
above. It's just the way it is.
top
Tutorial Posting/Replying
Etiquette
If you see that you won't be replying to
the coach's feedback/comments within 72 hours, post
a message saying when. Not Later Than (NLT)
[ top ]
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