Relationship Communication
Skills Tutorial
Recommended Readings:
(10-15 mins per reading)
1) What's this thing called responsibility? (preview)
2) Acknowledging: The world's best kept secret. (preview)
3) Looking young and wholesome—a beauty tip from the Mormons. (preview)
4) The exciting difference between sex and intercourse. (preview)
5) How you can tell if someone is deceiving you. (preview)
6) Five barriers to communication you seldom read about. (preview)
7) Must-have conversations with your steady/fiancé (preview)
Optional Tutorial Topics
[ back to FAQ's ]
1) What's this thing called responsibility?
Did you know it's most likely that no two teachers in any school have the same definition of the word responsibility? Put another way, if you asked all the teachers in any school to write down the definition, you'd get as many answers as there are teachers. Now, ask the same question of parents... well, you get the drift. Is it any wonder that children have a difficult time being responsible?
Are you responsible for your partner's health?
In other words, do your communications, (verbal, non-verbal, psychic) have an effect on your partner's health?
Are you responsible for your partner's success?
Does your communication/leadership model work, in terms of your partner experiencing being successful?
Just who is responsible for starting the arguments?
Does how you communicate determine whether or not your partner is automatically driven to argue with you?
If your intent is to be clear about responsibility, this is the place. If others are blaming you then it's you who are not clear about responsibility.
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2) Acknowledging: The world's best kept secret.
This could also be titled, "Acknowledging: The Art and Ethics of Manipulation." Most people are unaware that one cannot not manipulate others. Not unlike a masseuse, the secret is to manipulate in a way that everyone feels good.
For example: Even though I know how it works, and I can absolutely tell when someone is doing it to me because they know it works, it still has the same effect, and I love it. I'm referring to when I'm sitting at a desk and someone comes up and touches my shoulder and says, "You're doing good." or any other reassuring comment. A wave of euphoria rushes through me. In neurolinguistics it's called anchoring a desired behavior. Used intentionally with children and lovers it works magic.
Ironically, undesirable behaviors can be anchored by touching/spanking, with criticism or an unconsciously delivered condescending stink-eye.
Inappropriate acknowledgment has awesome effects. If a teacher unconsciously lies and say's, "That was very good" when in truth it was mediocre, it's the beginning of the end of respect of the teacher. It becomes an unacknowledged incomplete, a barrier to the experience of communication.
Adults and children thrive on pleasing their loved ones. If you ain't pleasing or being pleased there is something not being acknowledged.
Did you know that most arguing is about something else which is not being acknowledged verbally in the relationship? It's seldom about the burnt toast.
Did you know that the foremost reason parents resort to spanking is because they have lost their ability to acknowledge and to elicit acknowledgment—and, they honestly don't know it? Children have no choice but to misbehave and thwart adults when there is something going on that's not being acknowledged verbally. Children are perfect integrity meters.
Did you know that babies cry when one or both parents are withholding a thought from the other. A baby can sense when the integrity is out, when something, an incomplete, is occupying the space. A thought withheld serves as a barrier to the experience of love. A baby cries because it truly bothers/hurts him/her when the parents have unconsciously lapsed into their imitation of communication.
This article will definitely accelerate your acknowledgment mastery process.
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3) Looking young and wholesome—a beauty tip from the Mormons.
Can you sometimes tell just by looking at a person that there is something untrustworthy about them—you don't know what, it's just a vibe? Guess what? Your intuition is picking up on an out-integrity, an incomplete of theirs, that they are dramatizing nonverbally. At some level they are intending to get caught/acknowledged for something. The vast majority of people are dragging around a life-time of unacknowledged perpetrations/abuses. It's shows on their faces. It's costing them their aliveness.
Trustworthy Looking Form:
On a scale of 1 to 10 how do others experience you? (10 is wholesome and trustworthy).
You can't get to where you're going if you don't know where you are starting from. If you are walking around believing you come across as honest, when in truth others experience your accumulated, unacknowledged, out-integrities and perpetrations, then you will continue to produce less-than-desirable results, because you have been living a lie.
Insert a number from 1 - 10 and press
the Trustworthy button. It's anonymous. Telling the truth here will be of immense value to you.
Upon pressing the Trustworthy button the page will
refresh as though nothing happened.
Do you remember your first lie? Do you remember if you ever got caught for it? Perhaps you are aware of other lies and deceptions for which you never got caught.
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Do you know the cost of unacknowledged lies and deceptions?
Do you know that your first unacknowledged lie still shows on your face? Forget Botox, spend an hour acknowledging your lies on The Clearing Process and you'll look and feel younger. It's free. It works.
The tutorial includes a communications-skills process that will change the way you appear to others, it will actually make you look younger. It will disappear the guilt you've been unconsciously dragging around.
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4) The exciting difference between sex and intercourse.
Most sex experts acknowledge that technique is not where it's at.
There is something you can incorporate into your daily life that will transform your experience of sex. It requires no learning, because you already know how to do it. In an intimate personal relationship all communications are foreplay. If sex has become boring or unsatisfying then both are withholding thoughts from each other. Yes, both!
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5) How you can tell if someone is deceiving you?
You've just got to read this recommended reading.
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6) Five barriers to communication that you seldom read about.
All breakdowns in communication, all arguments, all broken agreements, all thwarted intentions can be traced to these communication variables.
Do you know how many divorced couples called a communication skills coach when things started to turn badly?
Guess how many therapists/counselors called a communication consultant prior to their own divorce?
Do you know why virtually no one calls a communication coach before they decide to divorce?
Do you know that you are most likely unconsciously masterminding your own divorce, right now, even if you don't believe it?
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7) Must-have conversations with your steady/fiancé.
A list of 15 different conversations to have with your fiancé or your steady. Each conversation includes personal coaching with the Tutorial Coach.
If you are afraid to talk about some of these topics you will not be able to sustain the experience of love and satisfaction in your marriage.
If you are able to have these kinds of conversations before the marriage it will reduce the possibility of some kinds of arguments later. You will also discover if you or your partner are solidly entrenched in belief systems that will stop the experience of ever-expanding love that comes through communication. The difference between communication and talking: As a skilled talker you will eventually shut down your partner and blame them for the communication breakdowns.
Two examples:
1) To spank or not spank our children?
Just what are you going to do if your spouse spanks your child? Perhaps you grew up in a household where spanking was not considered abusive, so you might consider spanking appropriate, but only if it's necessary, if so, have you told your fiancé you believe in spanking?
How does one create a context at the beginning that precludes the necessity of spanking?
2) Shall we have a prenuptial agreement, a document that outlines the splitting of the possessions in the event of a divorce, or not?
Is your mind open to conversations about a prenuptial agreement or have you unconsciously shut down the space for communication to take place. Does your partner know intuitively to not bring up the subject because they know you'd use it as proof of lack of love/commitment?
More stimulating conversation topics.
Discovered too late your partner's beliefs could be the beginning of the end of the relationship.
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